Overwhelmed

Summer classes have started, which means this blog will probably go down to one post a week. I would love to keep up with the unspoken twice a week postings, but reality is I have finite resources of time and energy. So, once a week will be the new goal.

The title of the post doesn't refer to the blog itself being overwhelming, but the little things in life that add up and sometimes leave us staring at a long list of to dos wondering where to start first. California is stating to open up, which means the tasks that have been put off amidst the pandemic are suddenly become a pressing need. On the other hand, not everything is opening, life is requiring a new set of copings skills that can balance risk assessment with law abiding. Be it "to dos" or "I don't knows", life can be overwhelming.

Failing, failing, so much to do. So little time.

Flailing, flailing, how do I get it all done? How do I stay afloat?

Falling, falling, getting more behind. Is there an end in sight?

Filling, filling, all my life with problems.

Failing, failing, what is life but flailing?

Dismal, but most people I know feel like this at some point. I don't have any brilliant answers to this feeling, but it seems to me that pausing can help. Not that it will make all the stressors go away, but it at least allows the panic a place to scream its head off. It also give space for the reminder that we don't have to do it all to regain footing. Because Christians don't have to be perfect it allows for a Miss Frizzle mindset. Failing, falling, and flailing are all ok. All perfection does is fill life with more problems and I think we can all agree, it's got enough its own without me cultivating more.

Life is more than flailing, but somedays it just takes a little longer to reach the side of the pool. Don't worry though, most of us have enough body fat we can float there, we just need to take a moment and relax.

Seasons

Recently I have started creating space to re-examine aspects of my life. This reflection is partly the result of a restless nature and partly due to poor health. It’s funny how forced recouperation forces one to trace back steps that got them to the breaking point.

I can’t say I’m very far into this contemplative mind set, but one thing that has immediately been brought back to the surface is a desire for seasons. Some people can grind through putting in long days doing the same thing day after day. The ultra marathoners of life. But even they need an off season. Others are sprinters going all out for a short period before needing a rest. I suspect I’m more of a middle distanter, not blazing fast from the start but also lacking the endurance to rack up the miles. Our American culture seems to like to combine the endurance of a marathon with the speed of a sprint and any runner would tell you that is completely ludicrous and not at all sustainable.

So where does that leave us? Seasons. Every sport has its season, a time of competition, a time of rest (or less intense training), and a time of ferocious training to get to peak condition. To ignore the rest is to get injured. To ignore preparation and getting in shape is to risk injury as well.

Along with smallpox, guns, and plethora of laws, the Europeans brought with them a concept known as the Protestant Work Ethic. (Note the usage of Protestant not just the generic title of Christian.) Many people associate this work ethic with a verse found in the Bible encouraging Christians to "do everything wholeheartedly as unto the Lord" Col 3:23. This belief, coupled with the martial law "those who don't work, don't eat" that was enforced so the colonists wouldn't starve, form the roots of the American dream. A dream that is a driving factor to how we measure success.

While the Protestant Work Ethic may provide a base to build on, there are multiple factors contributing to valuing hard work in the States. A more recent contributor to our breakneck pace has been technology. Much like the cotton gin revolutionized slavery, technology has allowed us to be even more productive in a day. Instead of savoring the time saved by modern invention, we have instead filled the space with more goals and expectations, creating a towering mass of unhealthy and unsustainable reality. It may be that someday technology will do the heavy lifting and people will have more time to relax and enjoy life. But we aren't quite there yet. Instead we live in a time where memes document how success only brings more work. A time where expectations are becoming impossible to maintain. And then, in the midst of all of this comes COVID.

I'm not going to pretend that COVID is a good thing, or that nations being on lockdown is healthy. That would be dishonoring the fears and frustrations of pretty much everyone I know. But COVID has forced us into a slower paced season, one where expectations have been (mostly) lowered as people simply try to survive the day.

Work is good. Work is gives people a purpose, a sense of satisfaction, and allows them to support themselves while contributing to society. But as a wise man once said:

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens (Eccl 3:1)

Milk and Cookies

The best thing about being homeschooled was snack time. In public school when 10:00 am hit, there were no fresh cookies coming out of the oven to munch on. As a kid there was nothing at school that could top that; other than being let out for the summer....

Unless you have children, or are a hobbit, most people don't observe snack time as an adult. I, on the other hand, mark the hours in a day by food. The day is broken up into segments between the following times: breakfast 7-8 am, morning snack 10-10:30 am, lunch 12-1 pm, afternoon snack 3-3:30 pm, dinner 5:30-7 pm, and depending on what time dinner is an evening snack. I didn't realize this was unusual until about 10 years ago when I noticed I was the only camp intern that brought a backpack full of snacks on our field trips... (I've learned the hard way, always pack water and snacks no matter how short the trip is supposed to be.)

My eating habits aside, in the midst of all the uncertainty I thought I would share a positive revelation I've had about the whole lockdown situation. The one good thing, possibly the best thing, about working from home is I HAVE WARM COOKIES FOR SNACK TIME AGAIN! And they are delicious.

Unseen Expectations

Usually I hate Mothers Day. More specifically I hate any holiday that celebrates my Mother. Not because I don't love Mom or want to express that love, but because of unseen expectations. While some expectations may come from the individual being celebrated, not all of them do. In fact a decent amount of them come from me, myself, and I, with a second helping coming from being part of a large family. Having a lot of siblings can be great, but when holidays come around it's like trying to herd cats into a pond.

"Look at the lilies of the field" Matt 6:25-34

For some reason, even though we're mostly adults we still do group gifts for the parentals. Maybe it's because they are so hard to shop for, maybe it's to keep us from competing with one another, or maybe it's because we have a larger budget. I'm honestly not sure why we still do, just that we do. And if I thought it was hard finding consensus on a movie as a child, little did I know what was in store for the holidays. Everyone has an opinion, even if you were previously ambivalent, as soon as someone opens their mouth, you have an opinion. That's not to say they're all wrong opinions, or that I'm any different, just that everyone's input once requested has to be heard. And this is where I often get into trouble because the reality is, finding the perfect gift or plan that pleases everyone is pretty much impossible. And so we come to a life lesson that I struggle with, it's ok to not be perfect. I know, with dyslexia and how clumsy I am you'd think I had learn that already. What can I say, I'm a slow learner.

This Mothers Day highlighted that imperfection is ok. With Covid many of our usual shopping haunts were closed and the stores that are open, don't have the usual plethora of goods. Despite this, my sister bravely ventured out and created a simple but thoughtful gift. "We tried" became the theme for the day and Mom graciously went with it. The fancy breakfast we planned had to change due to a missing ingredient, our main celebration ended by 8:30 am because my sister had to catch a plane. Lunch was scrounged up leftovers thrown together to create some form of substance; while the Mother's Day card was forgotten and not presented until dessert at 8pm. (It was forgotten when we gave gifts, once we realized we did plan when to give it.)

"...even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed
 like one of these" Matt 6:25-34

In some ways, yesterday was a throw back to the old days when we'd sharpen sticks and glue on smooth pieces of glass as "jewels" to create something to show our parents we cared. Although Mom didn't have to scrape a jar's worth of jam off her toast to eat it... Which gets us to the root, Mom was extremely flexible with our failed plans and misguided attempts to express our appreciation as children. She loved us even when we caramelized the oatmeal or made frosting that came out like cement. This Mothers Day I was able to let go and bask in this relationship. As a result I experienced one of the most relaxing holidays I've had in years. To put it another way, instead of being Martha I was able to be Mary (Luke 10:38-42).

And who knows, if I continue not this path, maybe I'll even get to the point where I don't feel like strangling at least one family member every holiday!

Not So Secret Garden

Bathroom greenhouse

Today's post is about "'leadership'". Just kidding, it's actually about one of our family group projects, gardening. Our gardening exploits so far this spring have come in a variety of phases, from Dad creating herb planters out old cement pipes; to my sister planting the garden with plants Mom got from the hardware store, to my other sister helping me plant some seeds. So far everyone has found some time to play in the dirt.

Cement her planter

The initial surge in gardening was partly boredom, partly because one of my sisters is taking plant science, and partly irritation that grocery stores were running out of food. In other words we were skirting the border that leads too crazy prepper territory. You needn't fear though, since I spearheaded half the effort after the initial surge, the momentum has died down.

Proof the seedlings were once happy

The seeds which started out strong growing in our bathroom (it was cold outside, ok), have started to droop and look pathetic as they hold out hope they will be planted soon. However all is not lost, the corn did get put in the ground recently, as did the beans. The reason the rest of the baby plants haven't made it to the garden is that we do not enough space on the current drip line. Hopefully we'll remedy this soon and plant the tender shoots before they kick the bucket. While I hate seeing work go to waste, (yes, I know it's the reoccurring state of my garden) we have tons of seeds we can replant with. Apparently I have this habit of buying more seeds before using the ones I already had.

I have a problem...

Moving on from my charming quirks, my "plan" is to plant what we have and then see where and what else we might be able to grow. The coming weeks will show how the transplanting went an if any more of our baby plants made it to the garden before giving up the ghost.

When it Rains it Pours

Puddles, clouds, and hope.

Since everyone is housebound and bored, I figured I should dust the old blog off. After a coughing attack by the layer of dust, and repeated reassurances that “I don’t have Corona Virus!” to my family, I sit before you excited and eager to see how many posts I will actually create in the upcoming weeks. (Smart money would be on not a lot.)

The original purpose of this blog was to share my trip to Europe with my family and friends stateside. Almost 10 years later the focus has shifted to everyday life events and random musings that pop into my head. Although the content has changed, the concept that it’s for friends who don’t live near me has remained. As most of us are stuck at home, looking for things to do and human connection, I figured it was time to throw my pennies in the fountain and see what emerges.

Which brings us to todays topic, one we have pondered for a couple weeks now in CA, what the heck is happening? I’m not just talking about being at home on lockdown, I’m talking about the weather. It’s April and it’s raining! Not just a single day of rain, but days and days with thunderstorms and occasional hail. Enough rain to create puddles in the yard! 

Wild poppies are having a great year!

But with the rain comes green. The rye, the flowers, the grass and the weeds. Growing up a farmer’s daughter late rains were always appreciated and dreaded. Rain does not discriminate which plants get life, so while the sweet potatoes benefited from the moisture, so too did my mortal enemies, mustered, pigweed, nightshade, puncture vines, nut grass, crab grass, that stupid succulent, and sting weed. 

Rain sustains life, and right now it makes it easier for everyone to stay home. As the days get warmer, I suspect staying in is going to become harder and harder but that is a worry for tomorrow. (Or Saturday if the weather doesn’t change again.) And who knows, maybe like the rain this lockdown holds some kind of bizarre, hidden, silver lining. As the dog demonstrates daily, one can always hope.