My second year as an intern at Mount Hermon we (my fellow interns and I living in the same house) had some differences we had to process through before we could become a semi healthy one. For some this processing brought nothing but pain, for others frustration, while still others were started on a road too healing. Once the upheaval and dust settled, normal routines were established and life settled down into the occasional scuffles and humdrum that accompany the everyday. For me, it was a uniquely intense glimpse of the stages communities go through. The biggest thing I learned was that community can be hell. It's dirty, and messy, and while it brings great joy and comradery and can also inflict deep pain. Community is not an idealistic picture of sunshine and rainbows where everyone gets along all the time. As pleasant as that would be, it's not true to human nature. Community requires hard decisions, but in order for a community, or a relationship to survive, there has to be resolution at some point. Complete conflict will destroy a community as easily as constant compromise.
Perhaps it is the influence of a coworker but I am becoming increasingly convinced that compromise, while one possible outcome of resolution, isn't always the answer. And that is what makes community such a mire. The only way it works is through a mix of standing up for your well being and beliefs while also surrendering your will and well being to serve those around you.
Paradox noun a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigate or explained may prove to be well founded and true.
For those who have gotten to experience healthy community you know what a gift it is. Cherish it while you have it. For those who feel it is missing, (which may be higher than normal with everyone being kept home) keep searching, It may be work, but it is also a jewel of great price.
Great thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad likes to tell a story of attending a big project, I think a theme park, with all sorts of different people on the project: architects, finance folks, structural engineers, etc. There was a sign on the office door that said:
"There is more truth in conflict than compromise"
And he saw that at play in the meetings. Everyone brought an important aspect of truth to the table, but not the whole picture. If the architects did all they wanted to, the costs would be through the roof expensive and unsafe. If the finance folks had their way, the park would end up being cheap but dull. And so forth. He saw that it was important for people to share their perspective and for there to be tension between the different parties in order to produce the best outcome.
I like this illustration
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